The Software Café
Software, quality and lunch in a time before the internet.
Sample 2
Samples taken from chapters 13 to 24 covering RANbB, adventures in the dreamxeam and joining the Software Café.
Jankers had started life as an enthusiastic R&D man and had been brilliant, pioneering a whole range of simulation innovations. He had followed a fairly typical career path. He started keen, became obsessed, moved on to overly protective, then skirted around the borders of paranoia, flirted with deep depression, rose from that to become plain dangerous and was now cruising home to retirement as noticeably eccentric. Jankers' promotion to head of R&D had been made at a time when companies did not 'down size' or 'right size'. In those days you were fired if your net contribution to the organisation was really negative, but otherwise most companies generally moved people like Jankers sideways and then left them alone.
The Future Systems Group has the widest brief of all the R&D groups in RANbD. Other groups are employed to develop ideas generated by the FSG, and turn them into commercially viable products for use in the main plant. The FSG usually has ten members. It is a mix of hardware and software people who spend a couple of years in RANbD and then go back into the main plant. A few people never go back. John Wilson was one.
'Our area is at the back of the building. We are a strong team at the moment. Joan and Paul are mathematicians working on algorithms, simulation algorithms. Given enough computer power, anything can be simulated. Given the right algorithm, anything can be simulated brilliantly, nearly perfectly. I think it's probably true that the less computing power a group has, the better will be its maths, the more elegant and efficient will be its algorithms. They will be simply better. Geoffrey and Peter are hardware people. They work in the area of printed circuit board technology. The simulators use a surprising number of special boards, especially in the electronics that connects the controls to the computers. We call that bit linkage, not surprisingly. Electronics moves so quickly these days. Geoffrey and Peter are there to work out whether the latest innovations are actually of any value to us.'
'Right, anyway,' continued Charlie 'the point is that when, or as we were getting ready to leave the course, I did some real soul searching about what it was I wanted to do. I knew I would be OK as an Engineer, but couldn't really see myself in that role forever. You know what I mean?' Charlie looked at Herne. Herne did know what he meant.
Charlie was having trouble seeing anything. Charlie was having trouble just being Charlie. Herne had got the smell of the Exchange in his nostrils and was bearing down on it as fast as he could, and almost in a straight line too. He pushed Charlie through the door and the two of them stood there transfixed.
'Cor' said Charlie. It was an awesome sight. Mr Stoner had covered the walls and the ceiling in great swaths of Indian silk of the most fantastic colours. The place was alive with people. Nearly all the tables were full, the waiter teams were hard at work and all the kitchen stations were busy. Herne led Charlie to a table and sat him down. He looked up and studied the giant menu board, which was suspended from the ceiling above the waiter pit in the middle of the floor.
He went back to his room and tried the next two names on the list. He was successful in arranging meetings for the next day. He was not successful in holding his meetings. His first interviewee just didn't show up. When Herne enquired after him, he was told the guy had left for Brazil the previous day, just after he had spoken to Herne in fact. He would be away for three months. His third interviewee told him to fuck off almost immediately. He was very busy.
It goes without saying that Herne was feeling a little put out by these events. He was about to go and see John when he thought he'd give the fourth name a try. He hit the jackpot. The guy had been expecting his call, was very friendly and was happy to talk anytime. Herne said he would come over right away. Peter sounded enthusiastic.
Herne found Peter's desk with little difficulty. It was unique amongst the desks in the office. It was tidy, and clean. Herne got the impression Peter filed things. He wasn't wrong.
'Hi,' said Peter, who shook Herne firmly by the hand. 'Can I get you a coffee?'
'Oh no thanks, I don't want to take up much of your time. I just have a few questions to ask.'
'Well, no problem, fire away. You're new here, aren't you?'
'Umm, well yes I am. I've been over at R&D for about a month now.'
'Ha! RANbD, they're a fine bunch of fellows, and you're enjoying it I guess. That Jankers is quite a guy.'
'I've only met him once. I work mostly with John.' Herne wanted to get on.
'I suppose you'll have moved here from another part of the country.'
Herne told him had, and then asked Peter how he knew what software he had to write. Peter ignored the question.
'I moved here a couple of years ago myself. Found it very difficult meeting people till I stumbled across a fantastic organisation. Now I have a brilliant social life, plenty of friends. In fact I'm out every weekend. Why don't you come and join us? Now don't tell me you're too busy.' Peter laughed and touched the back of his hand to Herne's knee in a friendly kind of a way.
'What is this organisation?' asked Herne.
'Oh, it's not really an organisation, more of a family. We meet at St. George's Ministry. In fact we're meeting tonight. Why don't I take you along, in half an hour!'
Herne felt cursed. He had a few simple questions he wanted to ask practising software engineers. What goes into their software? In Peter's case it was Jesus. A shiver ran down Herne's spine as he fled Peter's office.
'Software?'
'Yes, software. And quality. And everything really. You see I'm really not sure what I want. I just know that I left University full of good ideas, but am having a bit of trouble with the real world, or at least that part of the real world called software. I mean, what is it all about?'
'Software, Quality and everything eh! Hmm, that could be tricky. I would need to think about that.' Leviathan dipped into his wine.
'Well, do you think we could do it?'
'Why would you want to come here?' asked Leviathan. He saw the anxiety in Herne's eyes.
'I mean, for half the money you will have to pay the café, you could enrol yourself on a nice little MSc course, learn all about software, quality and everything, get a recognisable qualification and still have change enough for a decent meal at a Michelin one star.'
'Umm....' Herne struggled for an answer as Leviathan continued.
'Because, what you want is practical and prescriptive information, delivered in a one to one situation. Further, colleges of higher education are not known for their culinary excellence, whereas the Software Café is, and a qualification is useless if it doesn't actually help you do anything.'
'Yes, that's it. That's why I've come here.' said Herne enthusiastically.
'Fantastic!' continued Leviathan, working on the momentum of the conversation. 'Then you won't mind paying our very reasonable fees for consultations, deliberations and opinions general on these matters.'
'Ah,' said Herne. 'Fees. Just how reasonable are these fees?'
He had never really taken his leathers off, so it wasn't a big deal putting them back on again. His throat was dry. He had had nothing to drink since he left the house that morning. As he made his way to the kitchen, he passed Geoffrey and Peter. Geoff was standing in a cardboard box. He was growling and beating his chest. Peter was making aeroplane noises and running round the box. He would fly away from the box, tail slide a turn, then attack, emptying the contents of his Stirling machine guns into Geoff, who would howl louder and beat his chest harder and make a grab for Peter as he whizzed past. Herne moved on and got a drink. Outside, he picked his bike out of the skip and rode home.